#NewsBiscuit RSS Feed NewsBiscuit » Rioters denounce ‘Americanisation’ of British way of rioting Comments Feed NewsBiscuit Ofsted report slams School of Hard Knocks Red faces as George Michael wins Daily Mail’s ‘Dream Cottage’ Betting firms collapse as Indian cricketers retire on winnings NewsBiscuit The news before it happens… * Home * Writers' Room * Chat * About * Shop * Rioters denounce ‘Americanisation’ of British way of rioting 'Big ass New York cop don't know jack sheet bout nuthin,' says Simon from Bromley British rioters have hit out at what they see as an unwelcome transatlantic influence on the traditional English way of looting and causing affray. ‘It’s another deplorable Americanisation of our traditional British way of doing stuff – especially free stuff,’ says fourteen-year-old Tottenham rioter Zac (two Sony flat screens and a bag of trainers). ‘Innit.’ And Zac’s fellow rioter Jed,12, (two laptops and a crate of Stella), agreed. ’This American super cop Bill Bratton knows nothing about our way of shopping,’ he said. ‘American cops just don’t know how to behave. You’d think a Tory government would have more respect for the traditional British Bobby. I’m well disgusted.’ But the Prime Minister defended the decision to take advice from Mr Bratton. ’He’s a sort of American Dixon of Dock Green,’ he said. ”Except he uses CS gas, water cannon and rocket launchers against riots and gangs. I think they may well approve of that in Tunbridge Wells.’ Meanwhile David Cameron has ordered 16000 police onto the streets outside secondary schools in readiness for Thursday’s A Level results. ‘Those teenage girls contemplating uncontrolled histrionics when they receive their A Level results, should think again,’ the Prime Minister said after chairing a meeting of COBRA. ‘Police will be ready to deal robustly with excessive screaming or hugging – it’s self- dramatisation, pure and simple and will not be tolerated.’ A police spokesman said they were aware of the threat from A Level ‘rioters’ and would use water cannon if necessary. ’The media should not encourage displays of phantom orgasms,’ the spokesman added. Home Secretary Theresa May said she found the prospect of teenage girls being dealt with by the authorities ‘oddly exciting.’ ’I almost wet myself at the thought of it,’ she told the COBRA meeting. Share this story... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Reddit close * Tweet * IFRAME: http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?href=http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/08/15/rioters-denounce-americanisation-of-british-way-of-rioting/&send=false&layout=button_count&show_faces=false&action=like&colorscheme=light&font x ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ send Click to send this story to a friend Posted: Aug 15th, 2011 by roybland Tagged as: coalition, David Cameron, government, news parody, news satire, news spoof, Nick Clegg, parody, rioting, Riots, spoof news Click for more stories about: UK News * ____________________ Search * Subscribe to the daily email Loading... Loading... _________________________ _________________________ Subscribe Browse Archives [January 2013..] More from UK News * Water bosses praised for ‘far-sighted’ summer hosepipe ban * Starbucks outperformed by lay-by sandwich van * Deprived children raise £30m for the BBC * Packet of Hob Nobs elected as new police commissioner for Avon and Somerset * Remembrance Sunday to commemorate World of Warcraft combatants * Police investigate claims Freddie Starr ‘was a comedian’ * Full archive for 'UK News' » News In Brief Snow latest: Pensioner sick of being checked on by neighbours BBC to trial new shouting at the telly service on the red button Scottish prospector discovers giant nugget of lard ‘Crane driver should have been at work’ says boss Tesco’s bullshit apology contained ‘traces of horseshit’ Maladjusted loners slam NRA for not releasing shooting game on Android ‘Mafioso could be behind burger threat’ warn NYPD Snow ‘completely unprepared’ to land in Britain Eric Pickles to be moored off Essex to provide home for Romanian immigrants Dad very nearly resists doing Ring of Fire joke. © 2013 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer