Rioters denounce ‘Americanisation’ of British way of rioting | NewsBiscuit NewsBiscuit The news before it happens… Home Writers' Room Chat About Shop Rioters denounce ‘Americanisation’ of British way of rioting British rioters have hit out at what they see as an unwelcome transatlantic influence on the traditional English way of looting and causing affray. ‘It’s another deplorable Americanisation of our traditional British way of doing stuff – especially free stuff,’ says fourteen-year-old Tottenham rioter Zac (two Sony flat screens and a bag of trainers). ‘Innit.’ And Zac’s fellow rioter Jed,12, (two laptops and a crate of Stella), agreed. ’This American super cop Bill Bratton knows nothing about our way of shopping,’ he said. ‘American cops just don’t know how to behave. You’d think a Tory government would have more respect for the traditional British Bobby. I’m well disgusted.’ But the Prime Minister defended the decision to take advice from Mr Bratton. ’He’s a sort of American Dixon of Dock Green,’  he said. ”Except he uses CS gas, water cannon and rocket launchers against riots and gangs. I think they may well approve of that in Tunbridge Wells.’ Meanwhile David Cameron has ordered 16000 police onto the streets outside secondary schools in readiness for Thursday’s A Level results. ‘Those teenage girls contemplating uncontrolled histrionics when they receive their A Level results, should think again,’ the Prime Minister said after chairing a meeting of COBRA. ‘Police will be ready to deal robustly with excessive screaming or hugging – it’s self- dramatisation, pure and simple and will not be tolerated.’ A police spokesman said they were aware of the threat from A Level ‘rioters’ and would use water cannon if necessary. ’The media should not encourage displays of phantom orgasms,’ the spokesman added. Home Secretary Theresa May said she found the prospect of teenage girls being dealt with by the authorities ‘oddly exciting.’  ’I almost wet myself at the thought of it,’ she told the COBRA meeting. Share this story... Tweet x Click to send this story to a friend Posted: Aug 15th, 2011 by roybland Tagged as: coalition , David Cameron , government , news parody , news satire , news spoof , Nick Clegg , parody , rioting , Riots , spoof news Click for more stories about: UK News Subscribe to the daily email Loading... Browse Archives January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 January 2006 August 2005 March 1974 December 1970 June 1970 September 1967 More from UK News Water bosses praised for ‘far-sighted’ summer hosepipe ban Starbucks outperformed by lay-by sandwich van Deprived children raise £30m for the BBC Packet of Hob Nobs elected as new police commissioner for Avon and Somerset Remembrance Sunday to commemorate World of Warcraft combatants Police investigate claims Freddie Starr ‘was a comedian’ Full archive for 'UK News' » News In Brief Chelsea accuse ball boy of ‘acting like a Chelsea player’ Cameron pours his curves into suit for Europe speech Non-celebrity chef discovered in Aberdeen Aliens ‘cutting down visits to Earth’ since introduction of camera phones Fernando Torres ‘being broken up for parts’ Snow latest: Pensioner sick of being checked on by neighbours BBC to trial new shouting at the telly service on the red button Scottish prospector discovers giant nugget of lard ‘Crane driver should have been at work’ says boss Tesco’s bullshit apology contained ‘traces of horseshit’ © 2013 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer